Are Mermaids Real?

FYI

I have been meaning to write about this for a while, and then just the other day I saw something in the news about it, and so I'm going to do it. Because I for one find it appalling, and a betrayal of trust.
First of all, it all started a few weeks ago when I was perusing the channels on TV. There was nothing good on. Between Swamp People, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, and Jersey Shore I'm surprised our country hasn't been overtaken by squirrels. But I digress...
So I was flipping through the channels and I see this show on Animal Planet called "The Body Found" and for as best I could tell when I started watching, it was some kind of documentary about mermaids. And I thought to myself "Someone is claiming they found a mermaid body? WTF?" So I started watching. It had to be some kind of joke right? They showed some fancy animations, and they were cool, but...obviously a product of someones imagination, but then they interviewed these people who supposedly worked for NOAA but got fired for...giving away the secret that the government was trying to keep from rest of the world. And it was at that point that I got totally confused. Why you might ask? Because I was sure it had to be a joke, but...they weren't being funny. Because if it was supposed to be for real  it was totally ridiculous! The things they were saying were sending up so many red flags in my brain I could barely see the TV screen. How could these people be ex-government scientists? It wasn't possible. And the way the whole "documentary" was crafted, the "evidence" that they were showing that I'd never heard of or seen before in my life, and the conclusions they were reaching based on stuff that didn't even qualify as...data did not fit with any of the things I know about oceanography, science, or scientists! What the hell was going on? The things they were saying couldn't be substantiated or verified. I know become I looked some of the more plausible of them up. There were a couple times they said used some fancy term, or stated some "fact" that sounded sketchy, and I looked it up on the Internet and there was no such thing. How could the "documentary makers" not have realized that? There were even glaring inconsistencies between their story line, and reality. For example two little boys supposedly caught a video of a mermaid. But in the video there was a zoom on the camera (which doesn't happen on cell phones) and besides that they showed the supposed phone, and those older models didn't even have video capability! But who would make a false documentary on purpose? It was a hoax I realized. It was the only thing that made sense.
I literally sat there on the couch for an hour, watching the whole farce and talking to myself, voicing my disappointment mostly in Animal Planet, but also in the people who conceived a show that was so obviously meant to deceive. I thought about all the people that were going to be freaking out tomorrow, and telling their parents and friends that mermaids are real, and that the government has been hiding them from us.
I also could not for the life of me understand why anyone would make such a...show. Was it to see how many people would believe it? If so why? Was it to see how stupid and gullible we are for what we see on TV? Was it supposed to be a prank? If so it was a terrible one. And in my mind Animal Planet has lost what credibility they had with me over this. And finally, I was just really pissed me off.
Your average "American Joe" isn't a scientist, and isn't going to pick up on the subtle inconsistencies in a show like that. They aren't going to sit there and say "Wait a minute...those hieroglyphics they showed don't look real. And why can't I find any reference to them on the Internet?" They are not trained to question, and seek out answers to what they don't understand. They just sit there and think to themselves "Holy shit! If government scientists are telling me this, and cave men knew about mermaids a hundred thousand years ago then they must be real! I need to tell everybody!"
For those that are even remotely interested in science, they trust "documentaries" to tell them the truth, or at least some close a version to it as possible. That is the whole premise of a documentary, to inform.  And networks like Animal Planet, and National Geographic have had some really great ones.  But to have a trusted source of information air something so completely fabricated, such a blatant and utter lie (not only was the science false, but they also falsified quite a lot of history as well), is unforgivable. It was a gross breach of trust to the American people, and children especially.
Because now, what do you think is going to happen? The millions of people who saw this stupid show, and jumped on the phone, or twitter, or Facebook to tell their friends, feel like idiots. They feel betrayed by whom they believe to be scientists, but are in reality just some actors. They will now view real science with misplaced skepticism, and real scientists with distrust. And we are back to square one. We end up with a society that is afraid of science. AND IT PISSES ME OFF!
I know that a little skepticism is good. And I am certainly not trying to say that everyone should believe what they see in a "documentary" (I've seen ones on UFO's), but this was different. It was a total lie from beginning to end, meant purposely to fool people. This wasn't just a little faulty data, or a misplaced opinion of the facts, this was a start to finish freaking deception! Real science, and real scientists might not always get the right answers, or correctly interpret what they observe, but they NEVER, EVER falsify information purely to deceive those who understand less than they do. But I'm sure there are lots of people who would disagree with that now!
Thanks a lot Animal Planet. And shame on you for airing this show. At the very least shame on you for not making it clear that it was all a farce. I don't like you anymore. Go away.

P.S. If you think I am blowing this out of proportion then how do you explain the fact that NOAA had to issue a public statement denying the existence of mermaids because enough people were freaking out about it for them to think it necessary...don't believe me? Look it up.

P.S.S. I just read an article says that the US Center for Disease Control has issued a statement only recently denying the existence of zombies...really? For all of you with kids- Please do me a favor, and encourage them to pay attention in science class. You'd be doing them a great service.

Santa Claus, A Biography

I thought I'd tackle the history of Santa Claus first, since he has become the unofficial spokesperson for the Christmas holiday. Everyone knows he's jolly, but what don't we know about him? I mean where was Santa born?It appears that the birth of Santa is (like most modern holidays) a combination of at least two, if not more, religious persons of different cultures.

The Early Years

Saint Nicolas

One Santa predecessor is the Christian Saint Nicolas, was a Greek bishop who lived in Turkey during the 4th century. He doesn't look anything like Santa, in fact he sort of creepy looking, and emaciated. But he is said to have given gifts to children and the poor including dowries to the daughters of a pious Christian man, who would have otherwise become prostitutes (the daughters, not the father.) In some versions of the story (depending on where you read it) Saint Nic had to drop the coins down the chimney at night because he didn't want the family discover his identity, and all the windows of the house were closed (which was his usual method). As they fell the coins accidentally landed a sweaty stocking that was hanging by the fire to dry (OK, OK I added the sweaty part:).  His "thing" was to give gifts secretly, because he wanted the faithful to believe the gifts were from God. (Obviously he wasn't entirely successful.) Only the Christians on their best behavior received gifts, and so parents began to use Saint Nicolas as a bargaining tool during the year when their children misbehaved. Parents all over Christendom began to threaten no gift on December 6th (Saint Nicolas Day) if their children were naughty.
Suddenly we have uncovered the (possible) origin of 1.) why Santa comes down the chimney and not through the front door 2.) why he comes at night when everyone is asleep, and 3.) why we hang stockings by the fireplace. Cool Hu?
A couple more interesting "facts" about Saint Nicolas are that in addition to being the patron saint of children, he is also the patron saint of thieves and sailors, which are the antithesis of innocent youngsters. I have no idea why this is, but it might have something to do with the fact that there weren't that many saints back then, so they had to double and triple up. Kind of like a small town drugstore that serves as a barber and vacuum repair shop.
Apparently after he died, several of his bones were distributed as relics among several churches throughout Europe. Most of them settled Bari, Italy and the bones there are purported to ooze a clear, watery, rose smelling liquid on Saint Nicholas Day every year. This "miraculous" material is collected by the clergy and put in a sarcophagus. Never mind that it's impossible for thousand year old bones to produce anything much less nice smelling rose water. It's like a double miracle: dry bones make water and it doesn't smell like moldy bacteria-infested remains. Either way, I think anything oozing out of bones or dead bodies is gross and should be avoided at all cost.

Odin and Sleipnir

Another proto-Santa, and one that predates Ol' Saint Nic in fact,  is the pagan Germainc god Odin, who had an eight legged horse that could leap great distances through the air. Odin is described as having a great, long beard and is usually depicted as an old, but strong man. He looks much more like the modern-day Santa Claus with flowing white hair, and he gave gifts as well. He would take  his octi-horse (called Sleipnir) on a long hunting trip during the Yule holiday on December 25th each year. As the story goes children across the land would put carrots, sugar or hay in their boots and set them by the door on Christmas Eve. As Odin hunted he would stop and let Sleipnir eat the snacks left out for him (to help keep his strength up), and replace the hay with candies as a "thank you" to the kids. And there you can see the origin of leaving cookies out for Santa Claus, the flying reindeer, and a holiday on December 25th (as opposed to December 6th).

The Teenage Years

Father Christmas

Although we can see a lot of similarities between Saint Nicolas and the god Odin with our modern day Santa Claus, we haven't addressed the red suit, or the jolly personality. But before we do that we need a little background. In the mid 1800's there were several versions of the Santa Claus character, but none actually called Santa Claus, in the red suit we know today. The English had Father Christmas, the Dutch Sinterklaas, etc. When Charles Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol Santa didn't exist yet! It's hard to imagine that Charles Dickens is older than Santa, but there you have it. In fact, some people say that our modern fat man in red is partly based on the "Ghost of Christmas Present".

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During this time the Santa figure began being associated with happiness and holiday fun. I guess you could say he was finding his inner jolly-ness. As people began immigrating to the U.S. at the turn of the century, they brought their version of Santa with them. Over time they all adopted the American version: Santa Claus. Despite having finally found a solitary name, depictions of Santa remained varied and inconsistent throughout the early 1900's.Some renderings have him with a hat, some without. In some he is wearing a long robe, in others a more familiar suit. But in the 1930's that all changed. Who do we have to thank for our rotund, rosy cheeked Santa Clause? Believe it or not, it's the Coca-Cola Company! Their depiction of Santa in a furry red suit sipping an ice cold bottle of Coke is the birth of our modern day Santa. It's hard to believe that a Christmas staple like Santa Claus is only 80 years old, but those are the facts.


Modern Day
Today you can find a homogeneous looking Santa Claus on everything from underwear to greeting cards. He's got a red suit, a white beard, lots of presents, flying reindeer instead of an eight legged horse, and he always sneaks down the chimney on Christmas Eve. From his humble origins as saint, and god (which might account for his immortality and ability to reach all the children in the world in one night), to a modern non-religious hero, Santa has changed with the times. Now he uses GPS, and gives out Nintendo Wii to good children. He has an email address, and in the off season vacations in Hawaii. He might have been born in the Middle East, and reside in the North Pole, but he will always live in my heart as a symbol of jolly tidings and holiday cheer!

Science of Mythology: The Alicante

A friend of mine told me about at kind of snake in Mexico that drinks milk from a cows udder. As soon as he mentioned it my curiosity was quipped. I had never heard of a snake drinking milk before, and I certainly had never heard of one that relied on cows to survive. I was immediately intrigued by the possibility that this was a very recent evolutionary adaption, and was a little surprised I have never heard of it.
As it turns out, the reason I have never heard of it is because it isn't real. The Alicante snake is a legend, that has worked it's way into the real world of the Mexican farmer in much the way Bigfoot has to the inhabitants of the Pacific Northwest. It seems that most eye witnesses are old people (who also tend to be more superstitious), and there is virtually no documentation of any snake suckling any mammal for its milk. (In fact I read that snakes do not possess the ability to suck anything, their mouths and the muscle surrounding it are incapable of forming a suction).
The Alicante in Mexican mythology was a snake that would steal milk from human mothers by charming them to sleep (and putting their rattle in the baby's mouth to keep it quiet) steal her breast milk, and thus starve her infant. Other legends about the Alicante claim that when a mother was pregnant the snake could literally crawl into her body (that gives me the shivers) if she was not careful and so she had to wear certain garments to protect herself. The Catholic church recognized the snake and its threat (or maybe more fairly, they didn't believe it, but they at least addressed the locals superstitions by prescribing specific prayers an expecting mother should say morning and night, and blessing her special underclothes.)
To be fair I must say that my friend who told me about this snake has with his own eyes witnessed a snake that had it's body wrapped around a cows legs, and was indeed attached by it's mouth to an udder. And I have no reason to doubt his account. But I would interpret it differently.
The Alicante (not it's real name, but the one people refer to) is a snake that feeds on small mammals like mice, and moles etc. These animals usually live in barns, under hay, where the cows are (dairy cows specifically, since meat cattle are out in the fields). I can imagine that the snakes often startle the cows while hunting their scurrying prey and it seems perfectly natural that once in a while a snake may get stepped on, or may wrap itself around a cows legs to avoid injury. And if you imagine yourself as a snake, latching onto a swinging udder (or whatever the bag that holds the milk on a cow is called) seems like a reasonable thing to do under the circumstances. And thus, a legend is born! (Well, maybe. I am just postulating here.)

This is why I love science! It's an intellectual exercise that uses so many aspects of the brain. The fact that the Alicante doesn't really exist was a little disappointing. But taking the myth and theorizing about a logical reason why people believe the story to be true was exciting. And in the end it all makes sense (at least to me:) The mystery is solved, and all before lunchtime!
When it comes to myths people generally don't make up things completely out of the blue. I have found that almost every legend has some small kernel of truth to it. And figuring out what that is, is the "science" of mythology.