I chose a creamy pumpkin fudge and my BF chose a vanilla Oreo one. As those of you that enjoy fudge know, it doesn't take a lot to satisfy. Just a little morsel with a cup of coffee or a glass of milk and you're good. So by the time we left Michigan there was still a chunk left to bring home. So I packed it, and we headed to the airport. But all you fudge carrying travelers beware! Apparently in the x-ray machine at the airport fudge looks like...well, I don't know what exactly, but something the TSA considers very dangerous, and they take it VERY seriously. Let this be a lesson to you all.
Oh Fudge!
Screenplay by: Me
Based on a true story.Scene: Detroit Metro Airport security.
Characters: Super serious TSA Guy, and me.
TSA Guy: Who does this bag belong to?"
Me: "Me." (I smile, he doesn't.)
TSA Guy: "OK M'am, Can you please step over here. I'm going to have to open your bag."
Me: "Sure.OK."
(I go stand by the table that he has set my bag on, curious to get a look at whatever he is looking for. I smile again, he doesn't again.)
TSA Guy: "Please step back. You may not touch the bag, or anything in it while I am inspecting it. Do you understand?"
(I step back, put my hands behind my back and nod. He is very serious and freaking me out a little with the way he is looking at me like I am a criminal.)
TSA Guy: "Did you pack your own bag?"
Me: "Yes."
TSA Guy: "Has the bag been in your possession from the time you packed it?"
Me: "Yes." (I try smiling again, he doesn't...again.)
TSA Guy: "Are you aware of the items banned from carry on luggage?"
Me. "Yes."
TSA Guy: "Do you have any of those items in this bag?"
Me: "No. I don't think so."
TSA Guy: "Are you sure?" (Looking at me very seriously....neigh unto accusingly)
(Me trying to think.)
Me: "Yes?"
TSA Guy: "Ok. Well I'm just going to have a look. There was an object that came up on the screen."
Me: "Ok." (feeling nervous for no good reason)
(TSA Guy rummages around while I try to think of what could have set of the alarms (hair straightener? tweezers? buckle on my shoe? did I accidentally put my perfume in there? or some other liquid?). Finally he pulls out a purple bag, holding it between two gloved fingers like a dirty diaper.)
TSA Guy: "What is this?"
Me: "Ummmm...fudge?" (I don't know why I say it like it's a question.)
(TSA Guy opens the bag and cautiously peers inside and sniffs, but in a VERY serious way.)
TSA Guy: "What kind?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
TSA Guy: "What kind of fudge is it? Where did you get it?"
(I hesitate feeling like it's somehow a trick question.)
Me: "Pumpkin and Oreo...well, actually I thinks it's vanilla with an Oreo cookie on the top...although there might be some Oreo flavor in the actual fudge...I can't remember....I..." (I'm rambling)
TSA Guy: "Where did you get it?" (It's more of a demand than a question.)
Me: "I got it on Mackinac Island."
(TSA Guy eyes me suspiciously, like a human lie detector, for a second before answering)
TSA Guy: "I see."
(I wait, not sure if he believes me or not. But also not sure why he wouldn't believe me. I feel very confused.)
TSA Guy: "Good. Because if it was any of that machine made crap, or in the jar stuff I would have to confiscate it."
(I think it's a joke but I'm afraid to smile now. He puts everything back in bag, and zips it up and gives it to me. But still looks totally serious.)
TSA Guy: "You have a nice flight M'am."
(I let out my breath.)
Me: "Ummm...thanks?" (Again not sure why I say it like it's a question.)
Fin
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